Honey, I googled how to come from a massage. Why don't we give it a shot?

Every time I pick up a T-shirt, all the issues resolve themselves

You suck at Dota — I'm going to check you suck a dick

Less than a minute? Be sure to write in the comments that you can do it longer

Gave an old iPhone as a Christmas present and had to suck it up like a new one

I called the programmer and didn't get dressed — of course, he fell for it!