Offered the secretary a bonus for sex — of course she said yes!

What the hell - she offered to give me a massage, and her orgasms

Remember, baby — he who fucks decides where he comes

Honey, enough with the tenderness, take out your dick and put it in here

That orgasm was so fucking awesome that my wife forgot how to breathe

Did I buy nice underwear for nothing? Stop staring and fuck

Well, since you got the wrong number, be smart and get on your dick

Bringing a redhead to orgasm just got easier with the new vibrator

Every time I pick up a T-shirt, all the issues resolve themselves

You suck at Dota — I'm going to check you suck a dick